I returned from a weekend trip to Amsterdam on late Sunday evening. It was an alright trip, though we didn't do all that much. It took a very long time to get there; roughly 7 hours by train.

The hostel we stayed in was kind of grimy, and looked pretty sketch from the outside. Unfortunately, they only had one key to give between the two of us; Andrew being the one who got the key.

When we got to our room, we were talking at a normal tone, but changed swiftly when we realized the other people in the room were sleeping. We were in a room with 4 other people. Our assigned beds were already occupied by other people, so we chose whatever beds were still available.


After setting our stuff down in the room, we decided to go walking around Amsterdam; namely, the infamous "Red Light District." This was definitely a strange experience. When walking down the streets by the red light area, it's impossible to not run into drug dealers. The area is rife with them. Just walk down any one street, and someone will start to walk beside you and whisper, "Cocaine, mushrooms, ecstasy..." In one comical moment, I was walking down the street looking at the coffeeshops when one man turned around and started out with "Hey", and then the other four guys behind him all turned around successively, each one trying to get our attention so they could sell their wares. It was like a domino effect with drug dealers.

Naturally, when walking around the red light district in Amsterdam, one has to look at the infmaous, well, "red lights." That being, red lit windows with barely-clothed women trying to dance, look seductive or otherwise try to steal your attention. They would wink, they would smile, but mostly they tapped on the window with their finger nails and waved their fingers signaling for you to come in. It was a very different experience. After a time, I came to think of this area of Amsterdam as being a hooker super-market, with each redlit window like a meat-locker. It also reminded me of the freezer section at the supermarket, with the flourescent lights lining a long chain of window-doors. It could rightfully be called a "meat-market."

One amusing thing to note is that some of the ladies on display were not nearly as attractive as some. Some could have easily passed as magazine models, while others were not nearly as close. What I thought was especially funny was this one window with a chubby black girl shaking her booty towards all the passers-by. Another chubby black girl in another window said to my friend, "Come get yo' dick soft!" in an ebonics-toned voice.

It was also a little perturbing. There is a strict no-photos policy around the red light district. In one instance, I was walking around an ally and saw a guy in a strangle hold, with at least five hookers holding their hands around his neck. "Delete them, you idiot!" One hooker hissed angrily at him. The guy seemed like he wanted to keep whatever pictures he took and negotiate peace. Poor bastard had a swarm of hookers ready to kick his ass.

Needless to say, neither one of us actually took up the ladies on their offers.

We did check out a few coffeeshops, though. The prices of the joints ranged from absurdly high (14€ ) to relatively cheap (3€ ). We also got some beer at a bar close to the red light district. While we were at this bar, I tried to go to the bathroom. Alongside the stairs down to the bathrooms, I was stopped by a guy who was sitting on a chair, apparently guarding it. He waved his arms signaling I couldn't pass, saying in a deep, possibly Russian voice, "No! No-no-no-no! He then began to wave a finger, pointing at me, "I know what you want. I know what you want."

I was kind of confused by this, so I walked away, unsure if maybe that wasn't the entrance to the restrooms. I walked around a little more and didn't see any more possible areas, so I went back. This time I asked him if that was where the toilets were, which they were. I then asked why he was shouting to me before. He said something like, "Just wait here and see. They will come. They will come!" Then beginning to do his "no-entrance" spiel to someone else trying to get in "No! No-no-no-no-no! I know what you want. I know what you want."

I'm assuming the guy was doing that to dissuade drug dealers from entering the bathrooms. Or may´be the guy was just fucking with people. I dunno.

Amsterdam might as well be a British colony, as there are so many damn Brits there. English is the commonly spoken language there, and it's impossible to walk down any given street and not hear a British accent. This is amusing, since the language on all the city signs are in Dutch.

In another amusing incident, I was talking to some of the people who worked the bar at the Hostel we were staying at. I was down in the bar, as I had gone to the bathroom and couldn't get back into the room (no key). The bartender (British) kept urging me to bash the door until someone finally answered, but I didn't feel like it. One of the other workers (also British) at the bar finally said it was almost the end of her shift, and "I would like to fuck my boyfriend, preferably outside the view of customers." After this, she lead me up to my room and began being really annoying and knocking on the door non-stop.

"What's something funny I could say" she asked me. I wasn't sure, so I shrugged. She then began knocking some more, this time saying, "This is your private hooker calling. It's a service of your hostel, come on, I want to fuck. I've got condoms!" She smiled giddily, all the while. This just served to irritate the people inside. "Fuck off!" someone said. "I'll fuck off if you fuck off!" she replied.

I also should note that the bartender seemed very irritable towards everything around him. When I asked what kind of food they had to offer at around 3am, he said sarcastically, "Well, we've got crap!" pointing one way, to some peanuts and assorted snacks "And we've got ... crap!" pointing another direction, to chips.

He spoke of how he hated Amsterdam and felt trapped there. He also suggested I would grow to despise the city the longer I stayed within its borders. I have to say, he was roughly accurate. I was only there for a weekend, but I was pretty much read to leave on Sunday. Both the guy and the girl working at the bar seemed spiteful and jaded. They may have been assholes, but I definitely liked them that way. It was their "charm" so to speak.

I asked him what there was to do in Amsterdam, and he asked me, "Well, do you want culture or do you want trash?"

I replied, "Culture, preferably."

He went on to suggest I go to the museums around the area. He said they had been refurbished recently, and hadn't been open in years. We ended up going to a Van Gogh museum. All in all, it was really boring and pretty stupid. We decided later that both of us would have spent our time better taking a tour at the Heinekin brewery. I still wish we'd gone to the brewery instead.

On the Sunday morning, we walked around some of the souvenir shops to pick up some items before we left. While walking around the red light district in the morning, we passed by a group of nuns walking on their way to church. Yes, there is a church located within the bowels of the red light district, right next to a gathering of windows for hookers to show off their bodies. This is Amsterdam.

I'm getting tired of writing, so I'm going to be off. Till later